A MIXED BAG OF EMOTIONS

                                      Tony touring the Coast of Oregon

I have to open this bag and let it all out for now.  Why? September is almost here and that's what I call it, "A mixed bag of emotions".  Very happy memories and a very tragic one. So, let's get to it.
The tragic memory, so I can concentrate on the good ones after.
The photo you see here is my son, Tony. He was born on September 12, 1970.  He's so much his mother's son. Always wakes up in the morning ready to start his day on a happy note, with that ready smile of his. See the smile you see in that photo, that's the one.  His arms wide open for that squeezing bear hug when he sees me.  I remember when he was 3 years old, he told me,  "When I grow up, I'm going to buy you a Diamond Dress." Such a sweetheart.

As I do, he sees art and beauty in everything around him. As you also see in this photo, he's enjoying the beauty of nature and the sun on his face. As his co-worker once said,  he stops the car on his way to work, just to exclaim how beautiful the view is, for just a moment, then continues on his way.

He loves fun and is always ready for another adventure. In this photo he's 33 years old, but, let me tell you a little story when he was a young teen. His dad had bought him a dirt bike and he would go into the woods in the back of the house and ride the dirt trails. One day he wanted me to come, so I did, big mistake! He wanted me to try his bike and said it was easy. Just get on it and do this and that, whatever it was. Well, a few things he forgot to mention, and I ended up flying into the air with it and landing on a pile of rocks. Lucky me, no broken bones, just some very sore parts, a few cuts and bruises. Hahaha! That's what I got for not asking enough questions.

He has many many friends and the party usually starts when he walks into the door, so full of life.

From the time he was a little boy, he loved art and was good at drawing and sketching. As he got into his teens he liked sketching album covers of his favorite rock stars. Later he got into art using different mediums. I wish I had a few of his paintings. He loves using strong colors in his art.

All this, I'm afraid, is all in the past. My only son that I loved more than life itself, took his own life on September 19, 2004, a week following his 34th birthday.  How could anyone so full of life, so vibrant always showing such a happy face, hide so much deep despondency inside. Unbeknownst even to his closest friend.

Now the happy memories that September holds.

My first grandchild, Emily, was born on September 11, 1998 to my daughter, Christine. Emily and her younger brother Matthew, born Feb. 11, 2001 are both the joys of my life. I see a lot of beautiful creativety coming from these two. They also have a love of art. I've received many drawings, sketches and handpainted plates, bowls, nickknacks, as well as framed pieces of art.
They came to visit from 3000 miles away last month and together we painted clay pots for the garden.
I consider myself rich for the love of my daughter and her two children.

September is also a birthday month for four of my friends, so there is much to celebrate. I will end this post on this happy note and look forward to these birthdays and the fun they will bring in celebrating them.